I go entire weeks where the only people I speak to are in standup
The situation
I started this job remote and have never worked in an office. Standup is fifteen minutes and everyone reads their update and leaves. I don't know how anyone would even ask a question. I feel like I'm getting worse at my job because I never see how anyone else works, and I've stopped saying anything in meetings because there's never a gap.
Anonymous, first job out of university
The response
Two separate problems are stacked here, and they need different fixes. One is isolation. The other is that you're being denied the ambient learning that used to come free in an office, overheard conversations, watching someone debug, asking a two-second question. Losing that isn't a confidence issue, it's a training gap, and it's your employer's to close as much as yours.
Ask for pairing, not for social contact. This is the highest-return move available to you and it's an easy yes for a manager:
"I'd find it useful to pair with someone for an hour a week. I learn a lot faster watching how people approach things than reading the finished result. Could we set that up with whoever has capacity?"
Framed as learning, it's a professional request. It also produces exactly the human contact you're missing, as a side effect.
Find your one person. Pick a colleague roughly at your level and ask for a standing 20-minute call every fortnight. Not networking, just a person you can ask "is this normal?" Everyone remote needs one of these, and almost nobody has one by default.
On not speaking in meetings: there is no gap in remote meetings; you have to make one. Type your point in the chat, or open with "quick one before we move on." Also, write your question down before the call. Most of the silence is people composing sentences in real time and losing the window.
Say the isolation part out loud to your manager once. "Starting fully remote in my first role, I don't get much informal contact. I'd like a bit more structure around that." Managers who came up in offices frequently do not realise this, and it's a cheap thing for them to fix.
General perspective from remote work experience, not professional mental health advice. If the isolation is affecting your health beyond work, please speak to a doctor or your employer's EAP.
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